The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
