She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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