This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he puts the penis in happiness.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
