cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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