dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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