Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
