We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
