they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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