i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
In America we eat man semen.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
