So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
