I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
