I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
