oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
