Pappa wants mamma naked
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
