my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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