If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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