so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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