i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
