just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
