Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
