Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
