I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
