I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Someone signed my nipple.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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