Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
