oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
