No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
