im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
