She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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