Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
