great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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