It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
