ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
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