I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
