I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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