So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
