wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
