This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
