i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
