Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
