Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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