On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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