this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
