I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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