I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I need to calm my uterus...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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