yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
