Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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