im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
