So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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