end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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