Im at strip club and am horny
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
