Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
