Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
