he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
