worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
drinking out of a sandbucket again
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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