I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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