I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
