I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
