he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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